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When life is as slow and uneventful as it is here in Linggao County, my mind tends to wander. Sometimes I tend toward thoughts of futility: why even shower or drink water when the refreshment derived from those actions lasts for mere minutes, if that long at all? At other times, I tend towards a sort of self-loathing: why am I spending my time here so idly, by just reading, resting, or fanning myself? Why don’t I be a little productive and study Chinese, stretch, do something that makes my time feel well-used? I also find myself trying, but quickly failing, to appreciate the unique circumstances I find myself in. “Try and find the hidden beauty in the ubiquity of cow shit” I tell myself. The lack of direction and purpose in my daily life in Linggao County is of course one of the factors generating these generally negative, unfulfilling thoughts.
It was a surprise to me and Eunice that we would spend more time each day eating our hosts’ produce than helping them farm it. In fact, the farming-to-eating ratio of our first two days is approximately 1:18. This isn’t because they’re hesitant to give us work. It’s just a fact of life in Hainan that the best hours for manual labor are the hours when the sun isn’t overhead, which excludes most of the day from being used for work. This has had several effects on our stay here:
1) The feeling that we are taking advantage of our hosts’ hospitality is of much greater magnitude, since we have so little help to offer.
2) Much of the day is spent idly (as mentioned above); as such, the hours feel elongated. No doubt this feeling is exacerbated by the heat, making each dull hour slowly melt into the next.
3) I can’t help but sometimes feel our time in China could be spent more richly - seeing more places, meeting more people, etc. As Eunice puts it, in a more “tourist-y” fashion (and she means that in the most damning sense of the word). I, however, have no problem with the idea of ditching the dull to pursue the new, exciting, yada yada yada.
I guess that last notion means I haven’t yet gotten completely used to the idea of WWOOFing - of acclimating to, and eventually (one hopes) appreciating the kinds of lives other people live. I certainly am more used to life here than I was 3 days ago, when we arrived. I’m more used to the heat, setting up mosquito nets every time we have to sleep, eating fruit at nearly every meal, and waking up to a concert of roosters at about 5am every morning (by the way, I think the South Park guys got the idea for the recurring “Dey took ar jerbs” joke from listening to roosters crowing. Thinking about it in those terms actually helps me deal with that otherwise unbearably obnoxious sound.). But I don’t think that says very much. I think the greater challenge is going to be making it through the dullness, the slowness, and making these qualities of life something more welcome than not.
Of course, our first couple days in China weren’t 100% perfect. Lugging our baggage around, running from train station to train station, getting misinformation from receptionists, and just plain getting lost is something that happened much more frequently those first few days than since we got to Hainan. And that is most definitely a welcome change. You can probably tell it’s sometimes hard for me to be completely content with what I’m doing - always wanting more, or wanting something that I don’t have. I bet it’s pretty hard for anybody reading this to be sympathetic with that sentiment. I’m in no way bitter or discontent with my situation - I just have the occasional pang that I could and should be doing something else. But my life in Hainan won’t last forever, and I know the experience will only make me better, no matter how slow life is.
I’m determined to own every day I’m here in China. As slow or fast as things get, I will find the best in them. So consider this the last whiny post on this blog. :D
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