Bar None

WARNING: This post may include an egregious amount of sentimentality, open-heartedness and cliches. Continue at your own risk.
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This past week has been surprisingly devoid of anxiety, which is not what one would expect for a recently graduated young man who is particularly anxiety-prone and about to embark upon a year long journey in China, effectively putting into motion a dream which he has had for nearly a third of his life. In fact this week has been pretty breezy for this young man. At the start of the week, he thought all he wanted to do was have one last taste of the foods he would be deprived of for the next year. What a dope. Short-sighted, foolish, dopey boy. Thankfully, he wasn't limited by his imagination, and he ended up getting much more than he ever could have expected out of his final week in the States. He learned. He loved. He had the time of his life.

Now this young man, it should be noted, never took a creative writing class, so gracefully phasing from third- to first-person is not his forte (an understatement, if there ever was). He's not even sure if that's something taught in creative writing classes. So a painfully self-aware paragraph highlighting one of his many shortcomings must, unfortunately, suffice. His name is Dan, and he is about to change the perspective from third-person - wait for it - to first. Huzzah.

I have a hard time approaching anything sentimental without some degree of comedy. Some of you experienced my overly hysterical fake-crying or my awkward attempts to crack jokes upon our recent goodbyes - others must use their imaginations. I find it easier to make shitty jokes than say "I'm so bad at goodbyes!", but I think it's a cop-out nonetheless. The urge to do that, however, undoubtedly derives from my inability to sufficiently express the affection for the people I'm saying goodbye to. And though it's tough for me to show, you should all know that I have an incredible amount of love for all of you who made it a point to make yourselves present this weekend. There are some of you out there who couldn't make it in person or could only come by for a couple of minutes, but my love for those of you who fall into this camp is no less strong or genuine. I was overwhelmed by the affection I received these past two weeks, so much so that my heart (or for the more literal among you, my "chest" or my "feeling area") still LITCHERALLY feels swollen. It has become inundated with love, friendship, joy, and I'm sure some of it has to be Red Dog. A better feeling in the world, there is not.

Now my first reaction to the ridiculous amount of love I received this week is that I just don't deserve it. I don't deserve my own party. I don't deserve friends driving down from Boston or coming in from NYC. I was just touched beyond comprehension by the unconditional displays of affection - I mean, I don't know when I've gone to such lengths just to be with a friend (except, obviously, Eunice my love). But I guess people don't "earn" or "deserve" friends or acts of friendship. In other words, one does not and should not calculate what one has done for them in order to figure out if something is worth doing for their friend. Like I said , it's straight-up unconditional. I think I have made that error before, giving myself excuses not to make the extra effort to be with a friend, and I regret every time I've done that. I regret it because I now know how good it feels to know you have people in your life that don't give a shit about your track record, and will be with you just for the sake of being with you. It's an unbelievable sensation, and it's something I'll carry with me for the rest of my life.

I have an incredible collection of friends from all different areas of my life. Old and new, near and far. Seeing you all in one place lit up my heart and made me finally realize what a rich and beautiful life I have. It makes me that much sadder to leave you all for now, but wherever you end up, know this well: I'll find you. And you can thank yourselves for that.

China-tinerary

NOTE: At the time of this post, I have 26 days left in the US. About 12 left in Boston, and the rest in Ridgewood. I want to make the most of each and every day, so I'll be coming up with a bucket list of sorts - not just of things to do but also of people to see. It's not a lot of time, but I'll do my best to see all you people I love and care about dearly. 

I've been reciting my Summer itinerary to everyone recently, and thought I might be able to nip some inquiries in the bud by writing out my plans here... even though I know almost everyone who is going to ask me about my summer doesn't even know I have a blog. Whatever. This is just for me then.

Date of departure: June 8th. If anyone wants to see us off (kidding!) Eunice and I be flying out from JFK around 1pm. It'll be a whole year after that until we touch US soil again. We're flying into Hong Kong the evening of June 9th, sleeping there a day, then travelling to Guangzhou the next day. There's a ferry that leaves from a port in Guangzhou, and we'll be taking that ferry to Haikou, the capital of Hainan province. Our hosts, Guo Zhi Zhong and Niu Gui Ping, will meet us at the port, and we'll travel west of Haikou to get to their farm. There we will be picking mangos and burning in the sun for a month, until about July 15th. Then, it's on to Lijiang in Yunnan province.

In Lijiang, we'll be staying with an ex-pat from New Zealand who guides tours around the area. He describes himself as a beer and cheese maker, and it's not exactly clear what we'll be doing for him. One month there, then we're taking a train from Lijiang to Guilin, which is where we'll be spending September through next June. Eunice and I will be teaching English at Guilin University of Electronic Technology.

Planes, trains and ferries. Gonna be covering a lot of distance this summer. This is probably the most ambitious plan I've ever had, and seeing it all out in front of me like this elicits a pretty wide range of emotions. Maybe it's just that I'm listening to The Tough Alliance right now, but I'm feeling more optimistic than anything else. Anyways, this post isn't about feelings; it's about letting you guys know what I'm doing. So there it is.

I'll be posting more in the coming weeks about other China-trip related things: successes, failures, epiphanies, recommendations, parties, existential dilemmas/trilemmas, etc. I might get a little redundant at times, but I'll do my best not to be! I might get a little redundant at times, but I'll do my best not to be!

Much love,

Deniel

Violent Images

College is technically over for me, but I've still got lots to finish. I can't, however, get over this particular conundrum:

There is a debate over whether Obama should release the images of Osama bin Laden's corpse. There is an argument to be made, an argument that existed BEFORE this debate, that the American people are so shielded from the images of war that they are oblivious to the real pain, suffering, trauma, etc. that it generates. If people are so oblivious to these qualities of war- qualities that are an inherent part of any war - they will more readily support wars, whether they are on-going, currently being debated, or in the unforeseeable future. Indeed, when you make war less atrocious, you make it more palatable. This, I believe, is extremely undesirable.

On the other side of the debate, people claim that the frequent exposure to images exposing the more grisly, ugly, and painful elements of war will eventually desensitize us, making us less moved by the images, and thus reducing our general reaction to violence and pain altogether. I'm not sure about the psychology behind this, but it seems a reasonable point to make.

The reason I bring this debate up at all is that one of my true heroes, Jon Stewart, often a voice of reason, cutting through the cacophony of extremist, alarmist, and over-the-top talking heads, has just come out supporting the release of the pictures. He cites, more or less, argument number 1. While I, in some ways, agree with his sentiment, what kind of implication does releasing Osama's picture as the first of these pictures to reveal war's atrocities have? I know it'll please many - I don't know how many minds will be changed by it. I think, all in all, to call for the release of this photo in particular in order to start a trend of more honest depictions of war, is quite an intellectually dishonest claim.

First of all, this was not a product of war. This was the product of a 10 year manhunt; a concerted Navy SEALs operation. This was devoid of so many of the elements of war, that to say it can help the American people decide whether they truly support war or not is just plain wrong. Second of all, Jon has not hidden how personally biased he is by his closeness to 9/11 (both spatially and spiritually). He said this bias precludes him from being any sort of "reasonable" commentator on the subject. And though maybe I should have taken that claim seriously, I can't help but be surprised by his temporary abdication of the role of most reasonable man on television. He's been the mouthpiece of the people who just can't support or abide by the extreme elements in our society, and we've looked up to him for a long time. But here he has justified his foray into extremism by saying it can help the American people decide about war. He has put "reasonable" make-up on his extreme idea, and when he blurs the line he himself has painted, he loses some credibility in my eyes.

So I say no: we can't start to portray a more honest picture of war with the corpse of former public enemy number 1. I don't know how we do portray war more honestly, but this isn't the place start; we're as bloodthirsty as ever, as a nation, and putting that picture in circulation is the last thing that will make us think reasonably.

whAt i DiD todaY

• Ate a bowl of pho
• Worked on a calligraphy presentation about the four materials
• Made some promises I can't keep
• Researched theories about the application of affirmative action policies
• Drooled on my face

Stay tuned for some other mediocre accomplishments. 

Troublemaking

First off, apologies for the long period of radio silence. If memory serves me correctly, I haven't made a post since before my Fall break. So sorry to everyone that has actually been reading my blog. At the moment, my American classmates are making a fantastic 'Merican-style brunch consisting of hashbrowns and cheddar-oozing omelets. Last night we watched Zoolander, and as of late we've all but dispensed of our language pledge, which signals to me that everyone is ready to get back to the comforting familiarity of the American lifestyle.

Of course, that is primarily because life since my last post has been so overwhelmingly chock full of China, Chinese people, Chinese food, et cetera that, for someone whose most comfortable environment is lying atop his feather bed, on his ridiculously high-threadcount sheets, under a quadruple-goose down comforter (read: spoiled and sheltered), this can be exhausting. Admittedly, I've done better in the last two and a half months, avoiding napping every day after class; finishing homework faster to get out of my dorm and actually take advantage of the fact that I'm in China and thus should not be doing things that could be done in my apartment in Boston; pressuring classmates to try a new bar, and so on. However, this is all pretty antithetical to my true nature, which is lazy, unmotivated, perpetually lethargic: just sloth-like in general. 

Before coming here, I had ridiculous expectations. Aside from expectations for my language skills, I thought this program would bring out the hard-working, focused, motivated student in me. I thought it would change my work ethic. But from the beginning, I've been plagued with the feeling that I'm merely rising to the occasion - well, that phrase actually sounds too heroic. How about, "meeting expectations"? Yeah, that captures the feeling. The feeling that my output is not a result of my personal motivation, but of fear of failing or embarrassment. This has certainly been the most that has ever been expected from me, and I've done a good job at meeting those expectations, but I have little doubt in my mind that I'll be the same sloth I was before I came to China, given the circumstances are just as lax. And with graduation just around the bend, that's worrisome.

But! But but but... of course you don't spend 3 months in a foreign country, only speaking the language and just get jack shit out of it! What my time here has afforded me is - as Stephen Colbert aptly put it in actually candid (out of character!) responses to questions from reddit users - a propensity for "getting in trouble." Here's how the truthy one himself put it (in response to "what did you do to excel your career when you weren't booking gigs"):

I mostly just said yes to any opportunity to get on stage. Pay or no pay. Equity, amateur, comedy, avant garde, and improv especially. Chicago has a great improv community, and I could get up on stage a lot after I got to know the other members of the community. I called it getting in trouble. You say yes to something, then you are in trouble. You have to deliver. Each mini-crisis I forced myself into made me work hard.

What I like about this characterization is that "getting in trouble" doesn't sound good, because initially it doesn't really feel that good either - it's nerve-wracking, it's totally mysterious what might be demanded of you or how well you'll respond. It's most certainly a mini-crisis, warranting the label "crisis" only for the fact that pretty much everyone has a strong aversion to putting themselves in such unsure, potentially uncomfortable situations. But there are so many benefits to it, eventually you realize that it's silly not to get in trouble more often. I was about to type out all the the positives I've noticed about getting in trouble, but I realized there's no point: getting in trouble is just one of those things that you can tell people all about how beneficial it is and how much it has helped you, but you can't make it seem more appealing. I'll just say I wish I cultivated this skill - or, more accurately, combatted the doubt and fear which prevented me from getting in trouble in the first place - a whole lot earlier. Without it, I wouldn't have had some of the most memorable experiences I can recall here in Hangzhou. I hope, if nothing else, I can take "getting in trouble" home with me. 

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I'm sure y'all wanna here more about my (mis)adventures around China and not so much about my personal revelations and all that shit. I owe the fact that I can't broadcast the stories to you to 2 reasons: (1) Poor narrative voice - I just can't shape a story (though I can try!); (2) this experience just gets me all introspective and I get caught up in my personal improvement and I'm just pretty self-centered in general XD oops. But I know the stories is what y'all really want, so I'll give you some capsule-stories. How about that? Huh? You think that's alright? Good!

+I entered a 5v5 soccer tournament a couple weeks ago with some of my classmates. World Cup style, first round was round-robin style. Our final record was 1-1-1 and we didn't go onto the next round. The experience was great though: I got to use the games as a pretense to speak English, order people around, sports tap strangers, and give a kid 2 stitches in his forehead (we both went up for a header, though while I was coming down, he was going up, and my canines sank into his forehead. I forgot how much I enjoy the taste of others' blood.)

+Spent one night in Shanghai. As soon as we arrived in Shanghai, one of our friends flushed her phone down the toilet. Setting the bar that high that early on is inadvisable, as the rest of the night got only more ridiculous. Battled 6 Shanghai breakers in a bar - got smoked hard. After finding out the open-bar we were planning on going to wasn't an open-bar on Saturdays, we drank booze in a park, where we were approached by homeless people with monkeys on leashes: photo op commenced, though photos show I don't look nearly as ecstatic as I should for having a monkey on my shoulder. Overall pretty dirty situation. One of my party passed out in a staircase, only to be found by Shanghai's Finest. All but one lady puked. We all slept in McDonalds. Woof.

+Last night bunch of my classmates and I attended a "Jiaoliu Wanhui" which basically translates to "Communication Party." It only came about because of my classmate, Le Xiong, and his great aptitude for getting in trouble. He actually ended up co-hosting this party, which he gets endless props from me for following through with. What at first was billed as a regular party that was interested in having some foreign students attend, ended up being a "Make Friends with Foreign Students" party. That's actually what they called it. We were the main attraction. The night was filled with games (all of which were balloon based and hilariously awkward), terribly-sung songs, and opportunities for (of course) making friends with foreign students. Fun? Yes. Awkward? Abso-fucking-lutely. Regrets? Nahhhhh. Just getting in trouble.

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I got more, but it's time to get started on my 2400 character essay and prepare for finals. I have 3 more days of class, then 3 days of reading period, then a week of finals. It's hard to believe I'm this close to finishing up the program and coming home soon. I'm spending a week traveling after the program ends, which means I'm due home December 28th. Much love to all y'all. Kill those finals. Ass-ream those LSATS. Decorate those apartments. Give eskimo kisses. And play in the snow, it only happens once a year.

My Respect Level for Billy Joel Just Got Bumped Up To "Okay, He Might Just Be a Badass" Status

Via Joystiq:

There are plenty of reasons artists license their music for a rhythm game. There's money, certainly, and notoriety. But what about scorn? For Billy Joel, it was more than enough reason to license a dozen or so of his songs to Rock Band 3. Here's his account from USA Today:

"I've never allowed my music to be used in a game before," but an Entertainment Weekly review of NBC's The Office changed his mind. Alluding to an episode in which characters mention a Rock Band featuring Billy Joel, "the critic wrote something like, 'God forbid that ever should happen.' So I called my people and said, 'Get me (on) that Rock Band game.' Then I wrote the critic, saying that every time I get a check, I'll give him a little nod."

We're assuming the songs will cost money, but we'd submit that reading the above story and knowing we'll never do anything remotely that cool is a dear enough price to pay.

The Calm Before the Storm

"The calm before the storm" is what some would call what the past 2 or 3 days: a lightened load of work, procrastination without consequences, enjoying the company of my program-mates without feeling guilty about wasting time. In two words, the past couple days have been completely enjoyable. When I finish writing this post, I have no choice but to submerge myself back into the hell of constant memorization and earnest work (there really is no half-assing here, unless you're cool with being reduced to stammering and forgetting vocabulary in front of 4 teachers and your entire program); but for now, I'd like to relish it for a little bit.

Midterms come next week: Monday through Thursday, one test a day, 2 oral presentations, and one discussion of current events with my favorite teach Lian laoshi (pictures of him will come in the future - adorable man that he is, I couldn't let myself off the hook for not posting pictures of him). So this week - "prep week" - we didn't have the usual 2 quizzes/2 oral exams every day and I actually got to enjoy myself! What a great feeling it is too - meandered aimlessly through the halls, watched hours of bboy videos on youku (Chinese youtube), napped at will... well, I guess I can't say it was a particularly exciting week, but god dammit these are the things I miss! I found this week to be filled with more tiny pleasures than any other week I've had here. Here's a list of the ones that stick out:

+I found some old Daily Show clips with Chinese subtitles on Youku and gave Joker and Yu Yang a taste of a couple episodes. I'm sure Jon Stewart's imitation of an old Jewish mother and a Bronx tough guy went right over their heads, but they still had a laugh at the other stuff. I wonder if they'd ever be able to understand those portions, those cultural nuances. Moreover, it made me wonder if I'll ever be able to fully understand Chinese comedy or other products imbued with such subtle hints of the culture - seems like a journey completely different than the one I'm on right now, and a daunting one at that. 

+On a related note, the Daily Show came up while talking to my Resident Director Amy today. We were talking about NPR, and she told me she heard an hour-long piece on Jon Stewart and the Daily Show. She threw in an aside that I almost completely missed, but it was so conspicuous that I even caught it in Chinese: she said she'd never seen the Daily Show. And she barely knew who Jon Stewart was. I was shocked. Noticing the expression on my face, Amy reminded me that she's been living in China for about the past 12 years. I guess that makes it a little more reasonable, but still.... Oh yeah, and she's friends with Peter Hessler. Unfamiliar with one of my idols, friends with another... guess she's still good in my book (if you're reading this Amy, of course you're good in my book - in fact you're great. I'd never hold something like that against you. Please don't kick me out of the program...) 

+Got to help Joker out with translating his resume. Some of the most fun moments he and I have together are when we're trading phrases in our respective languages. Sometimes it even compels him to speak some sentences in Chinglish. I've got a lot of examples, all of which tickle me when I'm reminded of them, but I'll just give you one or two. A little grammatical background: in Chinese, verbs can be repeated to soften their impact, for instance making an imperative ("Stand!") a request ("Could you stand up?"). So when he requested I take a look at his resume for him, he said "Wode jianli gei ni kankan" and then immediately followed up with a direct translation "I give you my resume take a see-see" after which he burst out laughing. I don't remember the last time I laughed that hard (could be the "bleacher man bleachin'" incident...), and it just felt good. 

+Ah, another god one came to mind - after we decided to take a break from translating his resume, Joker's obvious next move was to start playing DOTA. Joker, being in such a playful mood, decided to announce his plan: "Let's have a DOTA wahahahahahaha!!!!!" Joker is honestly too much sometimes. 

+Today, luckily as soon as the weather broke and the sun came out, we had a program trip out to Longjing Tea Village. This was an especially difficult trip to get excited about, since I felt I ought to start studying this afternoon and shouldn't waste time. I also didn't want to wake up at 8am to get ready for the trip. But I'm glad I did. It was the most peaceful, relaxing, enjoyable, comfortable, satiating outing we've had so far. It was a 2 hour bus ride out (due to traffic) outside the city limits and into the grassy, tea-bushy hillsides of Longjing Village - one of the most famous villages in China for its tea, Longjing Green Tea. One of my teachers, Zhang Laoshi, our RD Amy, and our academic director and one-time intimidator, Tao Laoshi, accompanied 7 of us out there. Oh yeah, and Tao also brought her adorable 5 year-old daughter, Beibei, along for the trip. I'm aware I've been lacking in the cute-asian-baby-pictures department, but fear not: you will love this little girl. Pics to come. 

Anyways, Amy, goddess that she is (are you still reading?) booked a reservation at the tea house at the top of the hill and we were treated to an incredible, if excessive, meal. Vinegary bamboo shoots, fresh eggplants, chicken on the bone, potatoes and gravy (yeah!), all sorts of greens, cold thin slices of beef - all accompanied by the famous Longjing Tea, as well as some fantastically fun conversation. I say fantastically with a purpose, because I could never have fantasized that I'd be having the kinds of conversations I had over that meal. I know I have a long long long way to go till I'm actually proficient in the language, but to think I'm having conversations now that a month earlier seemed impossible, well there's nothing more encouraging than that. Hopefully I can take that with me to my midterms, but whether I rock them or not, at least I know that I'm better - hell, a lot better - than I was when I first got here. 

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Anyways, it's time to get to that grind. I'll post when I get more pictures up. After this week, I have my week long Fall Break to look forward which I'm lucky enough to spend with my brother. Hermano arrives the 23rd, we go to Huang Shan (illy hillies) 25th, hit up Shanghai a couple days later, and eat delicious foodles all the while. Gonna be sick. Can't come quick enough. Hurry, brother, China awaits! She beckons!